Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Breaking News!!

by Boo

Yes, that's right folks! You read it here first! Zeta Phi Omega has a documented mutant among us! You'd think she was pulled directly from the X-Men movie but no, she does not simply play a mutant on the big screen, is an actual mystery of science!

Who is it, you might be asking yourself?? None other than our little Sarah!

It's true!! Sarah has had a sore throat for a couple weeks now. She went to the doctor, had a strep test (which was negative) and got some antibiotics. The doctor said it would be strange for her to have strep throat since she had her tonsils removed many years ago but it was possible. When the test came back negative the doc blamed it on drainage and said she had severe pharengitius. Well, the weeks go by and her throat is still killing her so she took a look in the bathroom mirror and saw a suspicious looking bump in the back. She decided to return to the doctor, this time heading directly to an ear, nose and throat specialist, to figure out what the heck was going on!

After some adamant persuading, she got an appointment the very next day (not at the end of July like they originally told her). She was seeing the physician's assistant but whatever! As long as someone could check this out and get it cleared up she was happy. After talking to the assistant it became clear that she thought Sarah was crazy. She gave a lot of "uuuhuu"s and "sure, sweetie"s. But then Sarah opened her mouth to let this skeptical assistant take a look. After one peek at the strange growth she quickly exited the room to get the doctor! The doctor then took a look and pronounced Sarah a mutant. Why? Because...(wait for it)...Sarah is growing back her tonsils...that's right!!!

How crazy is that!? It's not normal, I'll tell you that much. And that's not all! Sarah's body just grows extra tissue For example, they found 12 inches of 'extra' tissue (never seen before by the doctors!) down her throat when they removed her tonsils last time, she grew an extra layer of gums (which had to be removed), and we all know she has endometriosis, which by definition is the growing of additional tissue all over her abdominal cavity! WOW!!!

It really sends bad feelings to all people who have gone through the excruciating pain involved in the tonsil removal process, thinking all the time that it was worth it because once healed you would be rid of their pain for ever! Well, not Sarah. She's going to have to get them removed again!! Poor thing!

So, ZPO has officially deemed her a mutant. We like it, love it in fact! It just makes her all the more special! We are throwing around several new names for her (because as you know, all mutants need a new name!) such as 'Sarah X' (nice one, Candice), 'Baby Wolverine', 'Baby X' and my personal favorite (thanks for the research Liz!) 'Marrow'. In case you're not up to speed on all your X-Men, Marrow is a mutant who can grow new bones out of her skin and her alias is Sarah. Coincidence? I think not! I even have a picture for you...

How does Sarah (or Marrow, as her friends call her) feel about her new mutant status? Well, here's a quote directly from her:

"This is so funny and so sad all at the same time...I am now officially a freak. I guess I never should have tried to fight it in the first place. How funny that Marrow's name is really Sarah and she grows extra body parts! WAIT...I just saw the pic of that girl and she is SCARY!!!!! Oh well...I guess I must accept what I really am...the first X-man."